I’m Getting Married…to a POLITICIAN…

And you should already know why…

Mark Sanford

John Edwards

Eliot Spitzer

William “Bill” Clinton

What do all of these fine gentlemen have in common (other than their whiteness)?

They are some wack A$$, old A$$ CHEATING MUGS!

And, for the most part, they all lost their jobs when they lost their pants. Somewhere.

Whether it be by getting some fellatio right in the Oval Office, or flying to Argentina to make love to your side-jawn, they always get caught. It’s amazing.

On March 10, 2008, The New York Times reported that Eliot Spitzer was a client of a prostitution ring under investigation by the federal government. Two days later, he announced his resignation as governor of New York, effective March 17, citing “private failings.”

No snooping around on your behalf…

                      …no hiring of private investigators….

Does it get any better? And then… when he is found out, he loses his JOB!

WOOT.

I find it even funnier when it’s a Republican. The party of “family values” really knows how to get it in.

From June 18 until June 24, 2009, the whereabouts of Governor Sanford were unknown to the public, including to his wife and State Law Enforcement Division, which provides security for him, garnering nationwide news coverage. Lieutenant Governor André Bauer announced that he could not “take lightly that his staff has not had communication with him for more than four days, and that no one, including his own family, knows his whereabouts.”

Several hours after arriving back in the US, and upon learning that incriminating evidence was being swiftly mobilized against him by the press, Sanford held a conference, during which he admitted that he had been unfaithful to his wife. Sanford met Chapur at a dance in Uruguay in 2001 and admitted having sex with her starting in 2008. Sanford’s wife had become aware of his infidelities around five months beforehand, and the two had sought marriage counseling. She said that she had requested a trial separation about two weeks before his disappearance.

On June 25, La Nación, a Buenos Aires newspaper, identified the Argentine woman as María Belén Chapur, a 43-year-old divorced mother of two with a University degree on International Affairs who lives in the upscale district of Palermo and works as a commodity broker for the international agricultural firm, Bunge y Born. The State published details of e-mails between Sanford and a woman only identified as “Maria”.

Resignation as Chairman of the Republican Governors Association

Sanford resigned as Chairman of the Republican Governors Association, (HAHA) and he was swiftly succeeded by Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour. In a June 29 email to members of his political action committee, Sanford said he had no intention of resigning as Governor. (COME ON, NOW)

Reimbursement for his private use of public funds

After his affair was revealed in June 2009, Sanford first claimed, “There’s been a lot of speculation and innuendo on whether or not public moneys were used to advance my admitted unfaithfulness. To be very clear: no public money was ever used in connection with this.” (SURE) After a reporter used the Freedom of Information Act to seek records of what public funds were used to pay for Sanford’s trip to Argentina, Sanford eventually chose to reimburse taxpayers for expenses he had incurred one year earlier with his mistress in Argentina. He said, “I made a mistake while I was there in meeting with the woman who I was unfaithful to my wife with. That has raised some very legitimate concerns and questions, and as such I am going to reimburse the state for the full cost of the Argentina leg of this trip.” (Liar, liar!)

I’m obviously enamored. Soon to be Ex-Governor Sanford should be an inspiration to us all. Cheat, and lose it all.

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