“Neighbors should be FRIENDS!” Heart Kaylee

Last week was… an experience.

So my next store neighbor (as if i live in the house or something) raised her hand immediately in her ENG151 class when asked the question:

“Have you ever felt attacked by a Black person because you were white?”

Okay, maybe she has. Maybe the first Black person she met spoke harshly of her, pointed at her with her Black friends, maybe even tried to take her lunch money once. And if that was the case, I would feel sorry for her. It isn’t the way I would want my first experience with a “different” race to be. Or any person, for that matter.

But if that Black girl lived on the 4th floor of Jefferson, was “anti-social” and “hated white people,” I would have to say,

Bitch, please.”

And this was the case. Kaylee (my next store neighbor, who I have never spoken to in my life) thinks that I have attacked her, with my deadly silence. See, in her class, I simply hate white people. I am some ignorant, disrespectful Black girl who has never been around white people, and doesn’t want to be friends with the people in my hall because of the color of their skin. But in REALITY, I am a Black female who doesn’t speak to the girls in my hallway because many of them are loud, obnoxious, dirty drunkards.

And Kaylee knows where I am coming from! She knows that she is ignorant, loud/obnoxious, as she writes in her “apologia”:

I am sorry for being an asshole sometimes…You’ve got alot of shit from the girls… ripping your papers down and stuff…

This note was written AFTER the classroom debauchery, which I was informed about by two people, one from a friend, another from a random girl in the class that hangs around the AAC and has heard me speak about race with my friend, Tim, in which the convo was:

Girl: Hey, do you know a girl named Kaylee?

Me: Um…not really, but yes.

Girl: DO YOU HATE WHITE PEOPLE???

Me: *silence*….Um, no….

That happened at work.

No doubt this has really made me feel awkward in my hall. Before this, I had no problem with my hallmates! Loud, bitchy, but I just ignored them. Now… I am ANGRY that I have to live here! The worse thing about it was that I read the note before I confirmed the story. I was going to go over, say something nice, like, “I just wish you would shut up after 10:30 p.m., k?” But now, I just think that everyone in this hallway is conspiring against me. They all are idiots if they think I give a damn about their whiteness. Ignorance is the reason why I don’t speak to the people in this hallway! I knew from the beginning who I was going to be able to deal with (I have been pretty good in my calls so far), and I knew who I was going to have to not talk to so that I didn’t hurt anyone’s feelings.

BUT ACCUSING ME OF BEING PREJUDICE REALLY PISSES ME OFF. Like I said in my article,

NO ONE IS VICTIMIZING WHITE PEOPLE.

They say racial epithets in the privacy of their rooms, but loud enough for the minority female to hear them through the thin walls. They go out in groups without asking if she would like to join them, they scream in front of her door past quiet hours, and they go to the bathroom without washing their hands. They believe that acting like children and animals, not cleaning up after themselves and being inebriated beyond belief are facets of the college experience, and I don’t. Now let me say this, I just assumed that if I was not good enough to hang around with, to offer to go places, that we were not capable of being friends! And I don’t mind that, just don’t say I started ignoring people for no reason!

I am here for a reason. I am here to study, get a GPA over 3.5 every quarter, pay for my own education, and leave with two degrees. Occasionally, I find time to go out to a (non-alcohol serving) party. Or just an outing. The point is, I surround myself with greatness, because I strive for greatness. I am active and social on campus. I am on the exec board of one organization, I am training to teach college students about health (POWER) and I just started on a campus radio show! My friends are Black, white, Asian, Indian, Hispanic, and blends of all nationalities. On the other hand, the females in my hall have all white friends. They say racially-negative things. They have taken no strides to know anyone outside of this hallway. I am the total opposite of them, so why would I want to know them???

I wonder why I dedicate time to pissing myself off over dumb stuff like this.

I wonder why Kaylee spent a buck on a card (ironically, a black and white card) when she could have just kept her hand down in class (or at least, told about her antics around the hall which would have legitimized my dislike for her and her friends). I wonder why she cares if I talk to her or not. It’s not like I need a reason to not speak to her. I just don’t feel like it. Do I still have that much freedom?

Silence. Silence says nothing. Silence says a lot.

I guess…

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